The wind changes

Okay well the idea of changing my degree to English Lit has fallen
through. The convenor says I can't do it.
Bummer!
Back to being confuzed, not knowing what I want and having even
less time to decide. Okay truthfully you probably don't know how
badly I did this year. I think I have a habit of making things seem
lighter than they are even to my family who I live with. They were
suprised. They said they had no idea by looking at me. I probably
don't even register that I'm doing it sometimes. Ever the optimist
and idealist. Being realistic is harder.

For the past four years I've been unsettled in studies. Over the past
two, I've been unsettled in friendships as well. Mostly because of uni.
The question is, when will I stop being blown around? When will I feel
like I'm actually getting into something?

One day things look great, the next looks bad. I'm up and down more
times than a yo yo.

I suppose God gave me a clear sign about whether to go for single
English or not but what do I do next? Do I go back to where I was
or leave? If I leave, my A-levels wern't good so it might be hard to
find a job and if I stay, I have to know I really want to carry on.
The idea of leaving makes me feel guilty and the idea of carrying
on makes me feel pressured.

To carry on apparently I need to find something within myself to
drive me. But how? Who knows?

Welcome to the soap that is my life.

Please keep praying guys! It makes a difference even if you pray
for just one second.

One second of your life may contribute to my life over the next
few years.