Sanctus Est

“Reading about nature is fine, but if a person walks in the woods and listens carefully, he can learn more than what is in books, for they speak with the voice of God.” - G.W. Carver

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Cheeryier today!

Well today is a different story to yesterday!
I'm feeling okay!
God just reminded me that although there is a lot of rubbish that goes on
in the world there is also hope. Being a daughter of God who is good and
all powerful means a lot. God is King of Kings.

Today I recieved the gummy bracelets and gothic collar I ordered yay!
I'm wearing the bracelets but the collar will have to wait for another
time! I need to find something to wear that really goes with it!
I'm going to the Summer Fest tonight! Yay!
Made a little progress with studies. I did a bit of reasearch and found
more on the topic than I did before. That gave me a bit of a boost. I had
lost what I had researched on the net from before too so I was a bit
discouraged before I really started this morn.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Death but where's the glory?

Not feeling particualrly good today!
It's been uneventful giving me a fair amount of time to think
about life the universe and everything!
So far I've come up with...

1/. I hope I die while young.
Only problem with that is, I haven't done anything worthwhile
yet for people to remember me by. When I was younger I thought
it would be good to die in my twenties while I'm in my "prime",
best looking and do something which would lead people to say
"oh such a shame she had so much potential" e.g. uni students that
die are viewed as tragic. I am a uni student but they wouldn't be able
to say "oh she was such a good student". Also thought it would be a
good idea to be killed in the midst of doing something heroic.

2/. I have no idea where my life is leading.
Uni hasn't gone well by any stretch of the imagination and to be
honest I don't really want to carry on next year if I have to go though
what I went through for the first, second years and before that, A-levels.
I don't even know if they'll take me back anyway. If I don't finish uni
though, my life looks set to be completely rubbish.

3/. I feel numb on the whole.

The songs that describe me best at the mo are Evanescence's songs
"Bring me to life" and "Tourniquet". If you want the lyrics you can
always google it. If I put them on here it would make this post

Anyway something to cheer you up :-)
Here's a link to a death clock. A kind of estimate of when you're
going to die and tells you how many seconds you have. It also
counts down every second. A bit of fun! Shame it says I have until
2064. Far too long for me! Darn I still have tons of years left on
this wretched planet!

It would be good if I could go to the Summer Fest at my church
tonight! However I may not be able to get lifts! :-(

Monday, June 27, 2005

Okay so I haven't been on here in a long time!

I've been turning into a goth lately! Over the past few weeks!
Started buying the clothes on sat in Brighton!
Great! Also went into church the next day wearing my new gear!
Ordered some accessories off the net as well today!
This included the Goth labelled studded collar and purple
gummy wristbands.
(I went into the Underworld section)

As many already know (coz I've told them), this expresses me!
The look is so creative and there's so much you can do!
In the couple of goth shops I've been into, they are the nicest and
friendliest people and really take care of their customers.

Well this blog will start to change now to a gothic style.
Hopefully will sort most of it out today!
So much has happened since I last blogged!

Have a summer fest at church this week! Will be going to some
of that! Also wanna check out a gothic/punk/alternative
church in London sometime!

By the way, things with my grandad are a bit better.
He certainly looks healthier so that's a good thing!
Also, I am feeling better since the last time I posted.
Things with me and my church are improving.
Plus of course I have this new look to think about!
I'm quite excited about this and I feel more comfortable!

Friday, June 10, 2005

Life so far...

Well still need to get a lot of study done over the
summer holiday to catch up. That's blah but my own fault!
There is new research for my special essay for next year
to be done and I am doing research with a friend for
work experience we're gonna do together.
Meeting up with her next week.

Today... I attempted to do work but as usual, didin't!
Hmm recieved an interesting package but I shall say no more ;-)
Oh and my grandad had a fit last night in his sleep!
He's had cancer for a while now. Been having kimo therepy
and is deteriorating stupidly quickly. He's dying and my
mum says he's in denial about it. He tries to do normal
things which I think is cool although he's struggling.
Better to be in denial then depressed and even so, he may
not be in denial. He may just want to carry on for as long
as he's got. Although, I suppose I haven't seen him in a while.
Wasn't sure I wanted to see him in this state. In fact I saw him
last week in the street but he didin't recognise me and he walked
up to someone's house before I could say hi. Can't believe he
didn't even recognise me!!!!!!!! Usually he walks up and says hi
and catches me before I catch him and that would have been 1 or
2 weeks before this! I will go and see him anyway to boost his
and my gran's spirits. Apparently they associate me with happiness
and well being. I can understand why :-). Too optimistic even for
my own good sometimes!

However, this morning I was thinking that life generaly sucks.
I can live with it of course but just thinking that life on Earth
for every person isn't really that good. Plus there is no nice way
to die although it's a fact of life.

I can live with life here but with all the chaos and rubbish it
sucks and that's a fact. Of course you get good bits in life but
really it's crapo! There's too much sin (excuse the old
Christian lingo). It generally makes life bad!

Poor Adam and Eve though! Being labled as the people to bring
sin into the world and as a result, death, suffering etc etc.
How long have they been known for that! Well I don't blame
them all that much :-) I might have been tempted to do the same
and in fact, I'm temped quite easily these days!

Well I think all of this "life sucks" is a good start for a
poem. Actually I did write one ages ago on that subject but
today I think I'll leave the poetry to a master!

Here's a bit of a cheeky one:

Sharing Eve's Apple

O BLUSH not so! O blush not so!
Or I shall think you knowing;
And if you smile the blushing while,
Then maidenheads are going.

There's a blush for won't, and a blush for shan't,
And a blush for having done it:
There's a blush for thought and a blush for naught,
And a blush for just begun it.

O sigh not so! O sigh not so!
For it sounds of Eve's sweet pippin;
By these loosen'd lips you have tasted the pips
And fought in an amorous nipping.

Will you play once more at nice-cut-core,
For it only will last our youth out,
And we have the prime of the kissing time,
We have not one sweet tooth out.

There's a sigh for yes, and a sigh for no,
And a sigh for I can't bear it!
O what can be done, shall we stay or run?
O cut the sweet apple and share it!

Posthumous and Fugitive Poems

Okay, maybe I should give a bit more variation than Keats in future!

Anyway, we're stuck with death and sorrow until be die :-P
I don't feel so sorry for my grandad when he goes coz it's
us we should be worried about. We're still gonna be here! :-p.
He'll be in Heaven partying away.
Hmm I really need to crack this studying thing. Feeling
a bit bummed about that right now.

I think Marvin the Robot said it best:
"Life, don't talk to me about life"

Or maybe I should take an Addams family approach
"It's so nice and gloomy" - Morticia Addams (1960s series).

Love the original Addams family series and the recentish films!
The newer series was rubbish!

Tuesday, June 07, 2005


Hmmm spiritually things are pretty good at the mo.
Everything else could be better including my church but hey.

I need to find something good to do this summer. I was thinking
of taking up art classes but haven't found any as yet!
My church is doing some arty type stuff but not sure if I can just do
art or if I have to do singing etc too. Plus that only lasts for a week.

Had a good weekend in Bristol with friends and at their church
conference which was really good!

Hope everything gets better for me back here. I should do some
more study now. Blah. Well I will after I've made a few
adjustments to this blog and finish chatting on MSN and
after dinner ahem.